So the real Top Ten Tuesday this week is "Top Ten Favorite Romances," presumably in honor of Valentine's Day. But I don't read a lot of romance-focused books and would just end up reproducing my list of Top Ten Romances I Think would Last Outside the Book. Thus, a far more entertaining list of my top ten LEAST favorite romances.
1. Pamela and Mr. B from Pamela by Samuel Richardson
Ugh. Marrying a wannabe rapist. Ugh.
2. Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
Ugh. Marrying a lying bigamist. Ugh.
3. Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Ugh. Marrying a stuck-up prig. Ugh.
4. Bella Swan and Edward Cullen from Twilight by Stephanie Meyer
*Disclaimer* I have not actually read the whole book.
However, the guy creeps into her house to watch her sleep? STALKER. Don't date him, girl.
5. Juliet Capulet and Romeo Montague from Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare
Romances that end in death? That's not romantic, that's TRAGIC.
6. Helena and Bertram from All's Well That Ends Well by William Shakespeare
Marrying a guy that makes you trick him into sleeping with you before he agrees to acknowledge your existence? Too many mind games. Ugh.
7. Travellia and the Prince from Assaulted and Pursued Chastity by Margaret Cavendish
Also, marrying a would-be rapist. Ugh. But the Prince goes through a lot more rehabilitation than Mr. B and Travellia still gets to maintain a lot of power at the end. So it's preferable to Pamela's lot. But that still doesn't make it OKAY.
8. Tess D'Urberville and Angel Clare from Tess of the D'Urbervilles
by Thomas Hardy
Really? You're going to get rid of your wife when you find out she was raped?
9. The unnamed narrator and Maxim from Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
Great book, but I still do not care for that callous courtship and the way Maxim keeps his wife entirely in the dark about everything and blames her for the slightest misstep.
10. Arabella and Mr. Glanville from The Female Quixote by Charlotte Lennox
This is just one of those romances that I find wholly unsupported. It's as if Lizzie Bennet had decided to marry Mr. Collins after all (not that she made a much better choice). Sure, Mr. Glanville is into Arabella's looks...but he completely looks down on everything she's interested in and actively considers her crazy. If that's not a horrible basis for marriage, what is?